ETERNAL TRUTHS?
Collected by Dhrubo Mitra.
ETERNAL TRUTHS
* Remember, once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.
*Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
*Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film.
*I always know God won't give me more than I can handle but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.
*Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
*If the shoe fits buy a pair in every color.
*Never be too open minded, your brains could fall out.
*If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
*Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
*Some days are a total waste of makeup.
*Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
*A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
*Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
*Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
*Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
*Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
*By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
*Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!!
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ALL ABOUT BUSINESS
One day, at a school in South America a teacher said to the class of5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Paddy, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant,come up here and I'llgive you the $20."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant,since you're a Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ".
Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I know it is Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
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ALL ABOUT CREDIT?
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain
announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
"Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for
the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"
Rajiv answers, "They'll find us!"
* Remember, once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.
*Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
*Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film.
*I always know God won't give me more than I can handle but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.
*Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
*If the shoe fits buy a pair in every color.
*Never be too open minded, your brains could fall out.
*If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
*Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
*Some days are a total waste of makeup.
*Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
*A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
*Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
*Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
*Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
*Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
*By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
*Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
ALL ABOUT BUSINESS
One day, at a school in South America a teacher said to the class of5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Paddy, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant,come up here and I'llgive you the $20."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant,since you're a Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ".
Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I know it is Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
ALL ABOUT CREDIT?
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain
announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
"Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for
the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"
Rajiv answers, "They'll find us!"
MORE ETERNAL TRUTHS:
