Problem:

 Cause:

Feet cold and wet.

Beer glass being held at incorrect angle.

Problem:

  Cause:

Feet warm and wet.

Improper bladder control.

Problem:

  Cause:

Beer unusually pale and tastless.

Glass empty.

Problem:

  Cause:

Opposite wall covered with fluoeresent lights.

You have fallen over backwards.

Mouth contains cigarette butts.

Problem:

  Cause:

You have fallen forward.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

Problem:

  Cause:

Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

Problem:

  Cause:

You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

Floor blurred.

Problem:

  Cause:

Floor moving.

You are being carried out.

Problem:

  Cause:

Room seems unusually dark.

Bar has closed.

Problem:

  Cause:

Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

You are dancing on the table.

Problem:

  Cause:

Beer is crystal-clear.

It's water.Somebody is trying to sober you up.

Problem:

  Cause:

Hand hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

You have been in a fight.

Problem:

  Cause:

Your singing sounds distorted.

The beer is too week.

Problem:

  Cause:

Don't remember the words of the song.

Beer is just right.

A PARODY OF TYPICAL TROUBLE SHOOTING GUIDES DISHED OUT BY HOME APPLIANCE COMPANIES THESE DAYS!